Short Writer's Prayer...

   

Heavenly father,

Grant me the courage to write my truth.

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

 

Where Do I Go from Here?

 

I have gotten the fallout written down and worked out.  I have one question left… where do I go from here?

Does it still hurt?  Yes, at times.  Why? Because I miss the fellowship with the sisters from the group.  I do not talk to the friends that I made online as much as I would like.  I do not get to interact with sisters who were learning and growing in grace as much as I would like.  I am very skittish when it comes to interacting in groups on Facebook now.  And I can honestly say, I may not be as easygoing and trusting as I once was overall because of this.

I have become somewhat jaded by this moment in my life.  I may even still have a little animus towards Owner.  She is a part of another group I joined on Facebook to try to get back into a fellowship with other sisters.  She has liked some things I have posted.  I do wish to have a conversation about the fallout, but I am not sure if either of us is ready for that.  Perhaps, that is something I should pray about… reconciliation.

I have followed Colossians 3:13 and forgiven Owner.  But the hurt is still there.  It does not hurt as much, but I still feel it from time to time.

 

I can say… I learned my lesson, perhaps too much…  I was scared walking into 2022… but I will talk about that later.

I want to get back to writing fiction, but I am very excited about where God has me at right now.

Why Did I Tell Them? (Compounded Hurt)

 

My hurt behind the fallout was compounded.

I am a part of a Christian Writers group on Facebook.  I decided to tell them about the fallout.  I made a post talking about what had happened.  I mentioned that I was supposed to do a study about love for the group. (Now, I cannot say that mentioning this was conscience or not.  I do not really know, but I think in some way, I wanted my wishes and endeavor to be honored.)

Several people encouraged me and said they would pray for me.  Several people sympathized with me.  One person even offered to let me write for their website.  At first, I was starting to feel better from the comments I received.

Then, in one brief reading of a Facebook notification, it had all gone away.  I got a notification telling me that my post had been deleted.  The comment said something to the effect of… “I know we all get hurt and feel bad when things like this happen, but this post is inappropriate for the group…”  they said why it was inappropriate, but my tears blurred that part from my memory.  I think it had something to do with me mentioning that I had lost the opportunity to do some writing for a group.  I suppose they felt as if I was asking for a place to write or dry begging for work. (Whatever... eye roll!) -There might still be a little hurt behind this one.

It all came flooding back to me… the events leading up to the fallout, the fallout, the aftermath, the hurt, the angry, the vitriol.  But the pride was not there…  I did not feel this overwhelming urge to do it to prove them wrong.

As of writing this, I can honestly say, this moment of hurt was the beginning of my healing.

Excuse me for a moment… Lord, why does my healing always seem to come after I get hurt by someone or something else?

With God’s help, the healing began… I cannot tell you the process of how I worked my way through this whole ordeal, but I know that I have because I am able to write about it and through all of this, I have only cried twice, even though the tears have formed over the entire course of writing this.

Psalm 147:3 is so true…

Short Writer's Prayer...

   

Heavenly father,

Inspire stories that touch hearts.

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Broken Dreams Lead to A Broken Arm (Maybe)

 

Full transparency, this is the first time I have ever linked my broken arm to my obstinate pride about the Fallout from the Group, but maybe it was not until now that I was ready to see the purpose of it all.

I am a very self-aware person.  I was once told by a psychologist who did a personnel study for a department I worked in at a company a long time ago that I was a self-actualizer.  He told me he could give me a test to prove it, but I said no because I did not need the test.  His words had confirmed what I already knew about myself.

The SimplyPsychology website says this of self-actualization… “Self-actualization is the complete realization of one’s potential, and the full development of one’s abilities and appreciation for life.”  It also says, “Self-actualized people have an acceptance of who they are despite their faults and limitations, and experience to drive to be creative in all aspects of their lives.”

When things happen to me, I work to understand them, so that I can process them, learn from them, and use them to grow.  I had not done that with the fallout.  I was still so angry and filled with pride that I kept focusing on how I had been done wrong, instead of figuring out how to learn and grow from this tragedy.  I just kept stewing in it and reliving it over and over at nauseum.  I was determined to do the love study which would lead to the love devotional no matter what.

I now realize that I could not do a LOVE DEVOTIONAL...  There was no love in my heart.  There was hatred, anger, and resentment.  That is not the proper atmosphere for love to operate.  Even if I forced myself to write the devotional, it would have been bad writing.  (Again, it is not until now that I see what God was doing.)

Well… on my grandmother’s birthday… February 28th, in a hotel in Plano, Texas, my pride and arrogance (so to speak) lead to my fall.  I fell in the shower while trying to wash my hair.  After getting out of the shower with the help of my husband, my arm was hurting badly.  I laid down and hoped with would get better, but it did not.  Finally, I told my husband I needed to go get it looked at.

I had a broken arm.  I ended up in a cast and ultimately had to have surgery on my arm.  Right now, the fingers on my right hand are crooked and deformed.  Two of them do not straighten out all the way and I have pain in them from time to time, especially when I write or type too long or it gets cold.

Because of this broken arm, all my plans were over and done with.  I could not do anything at all.

My word of the year for 2020 was VISION… My vision did not come true.

My word of the year for 2021 was intentional… I did not see any intentionality, as a matter of fact, 2021 often seemed quite accidental and unintended.

The first part of Proverbs 29:23 was true for me.  My only hope is that the second part can come true for me sooner than later.

From the Writer's Heart (I’ll Do It on My Own)

 

As I mentioned earlier, I was going to create a devotional on Love based on a yearly Scripture writing plan I had come up with at the end of 2020.

I was pissed, to say the least about the fallout and having been kicked out of the faith journaling group.  I can admit it, in my grief, anger, and pride, I vehemently exclaimed… “FORGET THEM… I DON’T NEED THEM… I’LL DO IT ON MY OWN!”

There was no prayer.  There was no seeking God.  There was no humility.  There was just anger and pride that was forcing me to prove the whole world wrong.  It was me against the world.

And the funny thing is… there was no world… there was no against… there was just me and my festering anger, boiling up more and more each day.  I had moments where I would cry so hard and long that I ended up with a headache.  There were moments when I was so angry that I could feel heat from my ears and had to go lay down.  I would calm myself down by praying, but that would only last for a few minutes and then the whole routine would start up again.

I talked through it with myself.  I talked through it with my husband.  I even talked about it with She.  She reminded me of here words…  Don’t you stay too long.  There was no healing… only grief, anger, and hurt pride.

I was walking in Proverbs 16:18, and little did I know a literal fall would take me down.

Short Writer's Prayer...

   

Heavenly father,

Lead me to stories waiting to be told.

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

How to Develop Your Writing Style

What Is Writing Style?

A writing style is an author’s unique way of communicating with words. An author creates a style with the voice, or personality, and overall tone that they apply to their text. A writer’s style can change depending on the type of writing they’re doing, who they’re writing for, and their target audience. A news journalist will have a very different style than a blogger, for example. (https://www.masterclass.com/articles/how-to-find-your-writing-style)

Developing your writing style is important.  Every writer should hone their craft so that they can develop and understand their writing style.

Here are some ways to develop your writing style.

Be true to yourself. Always be true to yourself by being original and doing what you like.

Your Voice Matters. Use your own voice in your writing by using your life experiences, knowledge, and point of view to color your writing.

Develop a Family. Be authentic and draw your readers into your writing by making them a part of “your family” with your words.

Adapt and Change. Be willing to adapt and change if the writing task calls for it.  You can still be you, but tailor it to the writing task.

Experimentation is Good. Every now and then, experiment with something new in your writing.  Be bold, be brave, and take a chance.

Read other authors.  Learning language, how it works, how others use it, and how writers interact with it can help you grow as a writer.

Write about writing.  Take some time and write in a journal, on a blog, or share in a group about what you are writing, how you write, what struggles you have, or just your thoughts on writing.

Write… Write… Write… Write every day intentionally and on purpose.  Have a set time and time limit to write each day.  Look for journal prompts, writing tasks, and things to write about so that you can have something written every day.  Make this a goal for you and write it on your calendar.

Learn… Learn… Learn… In order to be a better writer, you must learn.  Read articles, watch pod casts, take courses, join writing groups, take college courses, just to name a few.  But, make an effort to learn more about your craft.

You are in control of your writing, and knowing how you write, who you are as a writer, and why you write is important.  Take some time to get to know yourself as a writer.

From the Writer's Heart (Scooted and Booted – But Closed?)

 

Snowmaggedon was over and I got on Facebook to log into the group.  The group cover was changed from the image that I had created.  I thought that was odd, but I thought it was because Owner was waiting on me to create a new one for the next month.  I could not get into the group.  I tried everything.  Then I figured out, I was no longer a member of the group.  I had been kicked out of the group.

I tried to contact Owner.  By the end of the search, I figured out that she had blocked me.  I contacted one of the other moderators of the group.  The outcome of the conversation was that I had been kicked out of the group.  the moderator said, “She didn’t talk to you.”  I said, “No.”  She said, “Good grief.  She said she was tired of y’all always bumping heads.  I thought she was going to talk to you, but I guess she didn’t.”  She said she was going to try to see if she could talk to Owner, but nothing every came of it.

I was devastated.  I had put in a couple of years of hard work in that group.  I had given of my time and talents to that group.  I thought Owner and I were better friends, but I guess I was wrong.  What hurt the most was that Owner did not even try to reach out to me and talk it through.  I was so very hurt.

A few weeks later, I found out that the group had been closed and deleted.  I honestly cannot remember how I even found out.  I talked to the other moderator about taking over the group.  She contacted Owner.  Owner contacted me and said she would see what she could do to get the group back and give it to me.  Well, nothing came of that.

I was hurt for a long while after this.  I mean a long while.

Thank God for Psalm 34:18…

Short Writer's Prayer...

   

Heavenly father,

May my characters come alive on the page.

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

From the Writer's Heart (Snowmaggedon 2021)

 

A snow storm hit North Central Texas on February 11th in 2021.  It ended on February 17th with around 5 inches of snow.  We were snowed in for those few days.  In my apartment complex, we lost all hot water.  We could not run the heater like normal because we were trying to not over tax the electrical system in North Texas, with so many people losing power.  It was a mess.

 I did not get on Facebook or check the groups on purpose.  I did not want to use my phone.  Little did I know, when I got back on… it was going to be a whole mess.

 Let me now take full responsibility for my part in the fallout…

Owner had become increasingly overly critical of people and things over the past few months.  It had started getting on my nerves.  It was negative and I could no longer stand it.  That was one of the things that made SHE leave a couple of weeks before.

A week or two before Snowmaggedon, I admonished Owner about how critical she was about things.  I cannot remember how the conversation went, but here is the last part of it.  Owner said… “I am very critical of people and things.”  I said, “Yes. And may I say, it is very frustrating and aggravating.”

And that was the end of the ending.  There was no beginning of the end… there was just an end.

There it was… Galatians 5:15…

Reading Through the Book of Acts (My Writer’s Perspective)

Cross posted @ Growing in Grace...

Reading the book of Acts was interesting and eye opening.  While I have read verses and passages from the book of Acts before, I had never read it all the way through.  Doing this, help me get a full glimpse of the church and how it started.  It let me see the turmoil of the church and the turmoil of the first believers of Christ.

I must say, I have a better perspective of what it was like to be a believer.  It was hard.  At times, I feel like it is hard to be a believer in this day and age because of how people feel about church and believers, but in all honesty, it is not as bad for me as it was for the early Christians.  Compared to them, I have it easy.

Reading the book of Acts help me see that conflict in the church is not anything new.  I am not sure how I feel about that.  To know that we have probably gotten worse with handling church conflict in this modern era.  As one pastor alluded to… the early Christians could not just leave a church and go to another church down the street.  They had to stay where they were.

Seeing how the first believers worked together to build churches and help get the Word of God out was exciting.  It was enjoyable to see so many people wanting to be a help to Paul and his mission.  I did hate to see the fall out between Paul and Barnabas.  That one hurt my heart.  I felt like they were a great team.  But, I understand that at times, you have to move on.

Paul and Barnabas parting ways helped me to see that you can move on when it is time to move on.  This is one of the things I have struggled with in my own Christian walk.  I have been at churches and with people who made the strong case that if you left a church or no longer wanted to fellowship with people from the church, you were sinning.  I know for a fact, I have stayed at a church too long for this reason, to my spiritual detriment, as well as stayed friends with people for too long, to my mental and psychological damage.  I understand now, when it is time to move, you need to move.

I am somewhat ashamed to say that I never knew this happened between Paul and Barnabas.  I knew of their relationship and how excellent Barnabas was as an encourager, but I never heard a sermon on how they ended up parting ways.

Probably, the most interesting thing to see was that the apostle Paul was the first multi campus pastor.  His ministry crossed continents and oceans.  It has been said that he traveled around 10,000 miles to more than 40 cities, sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  That is pretty marvelous.

We see the letters he wrote that are included in the Bible.  It would be interesting to see what other letters he wrote to his flocks.

It was wonderful to understand the history of the church and to see how it parallels to today’s church.  Understanding how the first believers learned, grew, worked, and helped build the kingdom inspired me to be better.

Short Writer's Prayer...

   

Heavenly father,

May writer's block find no home here.

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

From the Writer’s Heart (Walk Away… Just Walk Away…)

 When SHE left, I should have left, too.

I often know when an assignment in my life is done.  God lets me know.  And I can feel it, too.  It has happened on multiple occasions.  Usually, I listen and move on, but when it comes to being an educator and helping people, I tend to not listen and ultimately, God has to make me move.

There were tiffs and small riffs that occurred with Owner over the remainder of 2020.  There were times when I just did not get on Facebook or go to the group.  With all that was going on in my life and in the world, it all became too much for me.

Things got truly bad when a friend of mine left the group.  SHE hit me up on Facebook Messenger and told me she was leaving.  And SHE had been there from the start of the group.  I was devastated, but I understood everything that she said to me.

Her last words to me (paraphrased of course), “I believe you sense God talking to you and you know how things have been in the group.  Don’t you stay too long and end up hurt.”

I said I understood.

But… I did not heed Proverbs 19:20a.

I told myself I was being a blessing and that I was sharing my gifts and talents.  (This is my pattern when it comes to being an educator and helping people.)

I knew in my spirit it was time to go, but, in truth, it was not about me helping and sharing, I was scared of not having a place to share my writing.  Plus, the group had been the place where I started my scriptural writing.

I wish I would have listened and left.

From the Writer’s Heart (Really, Right Now, For Real Though?

 

Lord, not right now… Really… Lord, I Need Your Help!

I was upset with Owner for a couple of weeks.  I reconciled it within myself and prayed about it, and then let it go.  In all honesty, I do not think it fazed Owner one bit.

We recovered from the Black History Month, but then May 2020 happened.  The entire world saw police brutality in America front and center.

Owner decides to send me an article about the bad of Black Lives Matter… when she knew I was hurting from all that was happening.  I mean smack dab in the middle of the chaos of being African American in the USA.  And she knew I was hurting because I had said it more than once.

I read the title and say… I can’t do this right now.  I just resolved to stay off Facebook for a while because I did not want to deal with that kind of foolishness.

My spirit would not rest and the more I thought about her, the madder I got.  So, I called my aunt for solace.  Why did I do that?  The outcome of the conversation… And I paraphrase…

My aunt said… “You cannot let this one go by.  You need to open your mouth and say something.  This is not the time to keep quiet.  And if you don’t say something, you are going to be in trouble with me.  And you don’t want that.”

As much as I did not want to deal with this… I had to.

There it was… 2 Thessalonians 3:15 live and in my face.

I hit Owner up on messenger.

I told her that sending me that article at that time was horribly insensitive and ultimately wrong.  To which she said she wanted to get my opinion on it.

Me… ((eye roll))

I did my best to explain that it was insensitive and harmful to me as her friend.

Then she hit me with the white people typical responses to this type of conversation…

I have black friends. I love black people.  I support black people.

I was drained and there was no real resolution to the matter.  I am not even sure she got the full weight of how she had hurt me.

It took a while for me to get over this and try to forgive her.  And… at this moment, I realized that things were not going to be the same for us.

From the Writer’s Heart (What Had Happened Was…)

 

It all started in 2020…  That blankity blank Pandemic!

Here is how we got to the fallout in 2021.

In February of 2020, I posted a Black History Month meme on my Facebook page.  The owner of the group, hereto forth known as Owner shared the meme on her Facebook Page.  Facebook sent me a message letting me know this had happened.  I shrieked and immediately got on Messenger and sent a message asking…

I asked, “Are you black?”  Owner said, “No.”
I asked, “Do you identify as blank in any way?”  Owner said, “No.”

I said, “I need you to delete that post that you just shared from my page.  You cannot have that on your page since you are white.”

Owner said, “And I paraphrase.  I’m just trying to support Black History Month.”

I said, “I understand.  But, I need you to take that post down.  You’re gonna get in trouble and I’m going to get into trouble for letting you share it.  Can you please take it down?”

My good was about to be criticized as wrong.

Owner said, “I have lots of black friends and I want to be a support.”

Me… ((eye roll).

I said, “That’s cool, but it just can’t be that post.  Can you take it down?”

Owner said, “I just like supporting black people and Black History.”

Me… ((eye roll))

I said, “I get that.  You can support, just no with that post.”

Owner said, “Well, why not?”

At this point, I am about to throw my phone across my room.

Another moderator said, again I paraphrase, “Owner, please listen and do like she asks.  You’re not listening.  You need to take it down.”

It was at this moment that I realized I had sent the message to the group chat.

Me… ((Shrug.))

Owner said, “Okay.”

From the Writer’s Heart (First, the Fallout)

 

And she told me I needed to speak up more.

This is going to be hard.  I shared this ordeal with a Christian Writing Group I was part of, but I ended up getting hurt worse by that.  In some way, I told myself I would never talk or write about it, but this is where I am being led.

I went to the Christian Faith Journaling group I was part of to post the reading plan for February (in 2021).  The cover page had been changed from the one I had created.  When I tried to get into the group, it stated that I was no longer a member of the group.  I was so confused and did not know what was going on.

I tried to contact the owner of the group, she could not be reached, which I knew to mean she had unfriended me.  I had been removed from the group chat for the moderators of the group.

Did I get a message telling me that this had happened? -No.

Did anyone say anything to me about this happening? -No.

Was there a sisterly conversation had about what happened? -No.

I had a feeling about what had happened, but I was not sure of it.

So, I sent a message to the other moderators.
One of them wrote, and I paraphrase… She didn’t say anything to you about that.  Shesh… she said she was gonna say something.
The other one wrote, again, I paraphrase… I don’t know what happened.  I’m sorry.

And that was that… A group that I had spent a year and a half in, giving of my time and talents to, helping out and monitoring… was no longer part of my life.

I was so heartbroken and devastated, but I would have other worries soon.

 

From the Writer’s Heart (I Did Not Learn from 2020)

 

Here we go again -my plans adverted… Why?

Well, yet again, I started 2021 off with lofty goals for writing… I was going to focus on Scripture Writing Plans for Love.  I told myself that with each month’s scripture writing, I would write a devotion from what I gleaned from the scripture.  I had planned out the full year.  Once again, I prayed and asked God to give me good success for this endeavor, as I do every year.

I was going to do this with my Christian Faith Journaling Group sisters, having them support every step of the way, cheering me on, and pushing me forward.  I was so excited.

I made it through January, encouraged and had a full month of exhilarating notes, content, and information to go forward.  But then it all went downhill from there.  And yes, it happened again.

And apparently, I did not learn from 2020.

Combating Writer’s Block

This is what I tell my writing students every semester about combating writer's block.

I once heard someone say... "Writer's block is not real.  It is just you not wanting to write.  It's your body telling your brain that you would rather do something else or you feeling too scared to say what is in your heart."

While I do believe that writer's block is real, so, I do not agree with that statement.  But, the rest of the person said rings true.

This person's solution to writer's block, was to WRITE!  I know that sounds crazy, but it is true.

Here is a method to combat writer's block.

First, go take a 5-10-minute break to take your mind off of the writing task.  Go outside and get some fresh air or go to a different room.

Then, come back and grab a piece of paper and a pen (or marker or pencil) ... YES! paper and pen... do this by hand.  This makes your brain, arms, hand, and fingers connect and work together.

Write the letters of the alphabet, write your name, write some random words (10-12), and finally write the poem "Hickory Dickory Dock." (No specific reason for this poem... just the first one that popped into my head.  From my Pre-k days. LOL!)

Next, write sentences using the words you wrote previously.

After that, go read the assignment, writing instructions, or think about the writing task.  Then, try freewriting or brainstorming on your topic or subject.

That should spark your creativity and writing inspiration.  If that does not work, you are probably to stressed to work on the writing task at that time and may need to come back to it a day or two later if you have time.

That is why you should always start your writing task as early as possible.

Hickory Dickory Dock video (just in case music will work for you)...