Full transparency, this is the first time I have ever linked
my broken arm to my obstinate pride about the Fallout from the Group, but maybe
it was not until now that I was ready to see the purpose of it all.
I am a very self-aware person. I was once told by a psychologist who did a
personnel study for a department I worked in at a company a long time ago that I
was a self-actualizer. He told me he
could give me a test to prove it, but I said no because I did not need the
test. His words had confirmed what I already
knew about myself.
The SimplyPsychology website says this of self-actualization…
“Self-actualization is the complete realization of one’s potential, and the
full development of one’s abilities and appreciation for life.” It also says, “Self-actualized people have an
acceptance of who they are despite their faults and limitations, and experience
to drive to be creative in all aspects of their lives.”
When things happen to me, I work to understand them, so that
I can process them, learn from them, and use them to grow. I had not done that with the fallout. I was still so angry and filled with pride
that I kept focusing on how I had been done wrong, instead of figuring out how
to learn and grow from this tragedy. I just
kept stewing in it and reliving it over and over at nauseum. I was determined to do the love study which
would lead to the love devotional no matter what.
I now realize that I could not do a LOVE DEVOTIONAL... There was no love in my heart. There was hatred, anger, and resentment. That is not the proper atmosphere for love to operate. Even if I forced myself to write the devotional, it would have been bad writing. (Again, it is not until now that I see what God was doing.)
Well… on my grandmother’s birthday… February 28th, in a
hotel in Plano, Texas, my pride and arrogance (so to speak) lead to my fall. I fell in the shower while trying to wash my
hair. After getting out of the shower with the help of my husband, my arm was hurting badly. I laid down and hoped with would get better,
but it did not. Finally, I told my
husband I needed to go get it looked at.
I had a broken arm. I
ended up in a cast and ultimately had to have surgery on my arm. Right now, the fingers on my right hand are
crooked and deformed. Two of them do not
straighten out all the way and I have pain in them from time to time, especially
when I write or type too long or it gets cold.
Because of this broken arm, all my plans were over and done
with. I could not do anything at all.
My
word of the year for 2020 was VISION… My vision did not come true.
My
word of the year for 2021 was intentional… I did not see any intentionality,
as a matter of fact, 2021 often seemed quite accidental and unintended.
The first part of Proverbs 29:23 was true for me. My only hope is that the second part can come
true for me sooner than later.
